June 18, 2013

This may seem jumbled and drawn out, but this is my account for me to keep for future use and express myself in a way I need to express. There will be pictures. Just be patient.

June 18, 2013 started as more than just an ordinary day. Tyler and I woke ready to celebrate our second anniversary! Tyler works nights now; from 2pm-12am, so our plans included celebrating that morning. We had planned to go to the Temple, but realized our time together was much shorter than anticipated. We decided to go to this great Chinese Buffet. It's a dive, but tastes way good! We had a nice time talking and taking the day easy planning to visit the Temple another day. We took a scenic drive home, picked up Grayson and headed home. Tyler headed to work at 2pm. Grayson spent the day destroying the apartment with his toys and I spent it recovering from my Beijing Buffet food coma. Around 5:30 pm I noticed I had missed a call from my mom. I called her back only to hear news no family wants to hear. My brother, Bobby, had been in an accident earlier that day. His fertilizer truck rolled of a steep road onto soggy, muddy ground He did not survive the accident. We believe he was killed instantly. I immediately thought of the last time Bobby visited us on a trip to Utah and how we had spent the last Sunday, Father's Day, at church with our dad in the ward we grew up in. Bobby had spent that Sunday handing out his wedding invitations. As morbid as this may be, I can only think that Heavenly Father gave him an opportunity to say goodbye and leave everyone he knew with a good, recent memory. Talking to my mom I went into shock. As much as I wanted to deny and find a way that he had not died, that there had been a mistake, my heart and soul knew the truth. While in my shock mode, I went into my Type-A get things done, take care of everyone else personality and began to make plans to get to where my family was. I called Tyler who didn't answer because he was in a meeting. I had to call his dad, who thank goodness, made more calls to get Tyler on his way home. I couldn't do anything, but pace my messy house in anxiousness and inability to act. Tyler got home and helped me focus enough to pack. We packed for almost a week in less than 15 minuets. Tyler only forgot to pack for himself, no big deal! By 6:30 pm we were headed to Idaho to take care of my siblings, while both my parents were busy taking care of all the nasty things parents have to take care of. Needless to say, no one really slept that night.
The rest of the week was spent chin deep in plans. I have to make a big shout out to my husband, He will tell that he has never felt more helpless in his life than he during this week. I can't express how perfect he was. He was always there, listening, helping, doing all the dirty, take-care-of-a-baby-who-misses-his-mom work. Bobby being gone didn't feel real then and it doesn't feel real now. I'm not sure that it ever will. Each time I think of it, it feels surreal. Somehow, through it all, we were able to send my brother off in a loving and hopeful fashion.
Here is a link to his obituary- Bobby's Obituary

Through it all, I know Heavenly Father has a plan. I know bad things happen, but that they are no one's fault; merely an outcome of our mortal existence. I know there is an afterlife. I know there is a plan that if followed can give us eternal happiness. I know that sad, unfortunate things can be tender mercies from a Father in Heaven when we are willing to rise above our own grief and rely on His will. I know my brother was coming again to follow Christ and he is working hard to receive all the blessings Heavenly Father can offer him.  I also believe that there is no other place my brother would rather be. Yes, my family and I miss him. I am sure he misses us as well, but my brother was able to leave the hardships of this mortal world behind. Through all the love and support of others I came to realize how many people in my life had experienced the same loss that my family was dealing with. As hard as our losses may be, I found yet another tender mercy. Our Heavenly Father surrounded our family by those that new our pain, could help us cope with our pain, and give us hope that we could live with the loss of a loved one. My family also received so many notes, prayers, gifts and support. It was overwhelming, the amount of love and compassion we experienced.
Now I will share a photo bomb. These are my favorite pictures of Bobby.

 

 

 

Farewell

You are gone from us, but we remember your voice, your smile, your touch,
the way you walked, the way you talked, the way you looked at us, which meant so much.

We remember all the words you said, some funny, some kind, some wise.

All the things you even did for us we will see now with different eyes.

We will remember every moment we have shared.  It will seem like only yesterday
or maybe it may seem like eons ago.  It’s really hard to say.

You’re gone Bobby from us now, but one thing that can’t be taken away
is your memory which resides inside each of our hearts, which will light up our darkest days.

Farewell.